What Will You Do With What You’ve Been Given?

Last week I told the story of how God taught me to say yes. But what are we to do when unwanted circumstances interrupt the flow of our life? What about when our plans are utterly derailed and we are left at a complete loss as to what to do?

In this case, God doesn’t present a choice before us and say, “If you choose X, it will be hard but there will be great growth.” It’s more like, “Here you go, I’m giving you X. What will you do with what you’ve been given?”

That was my experience in the spring of 2020. That’s right - when COVID-19 was just beginning to make its vicious self known. I lost my job and I had no idea when - or if - I would return to it.

I felt lost.

Very quickly, I filled my days with phone calls to all the friends I had been meaning to catch up with for months or years. I became a pro at housework and my husband enjoyed the many fruits of my labour (in the form of baked goods and hot meals). I cleaned every inch of our home until it fairly sparkled.

I busied myself with actionable tasks that kept me distracted… until I ran out of things to do. A few months in, I despaired of ever returning to my job. There was a restlessness deep in my soul. It was the hardest summer since The Break-Up.

If I was not a physiotherapist (for I could not call myself such if I was not working as one), then what was my purpose?

Who was I, really?

Thus began a journey of soul-searching and self-growth. As a result, my mind turned to other things that I had long been harbouring secret interest in but had never acted upon - namely, writing. Not only that, but a friend suggested trying seminary classes, and since I love learning, I seized the opportunity and enrolled.

Ironically, just as I was beginning the process of starting seminary, I was recalled back to work.

I juggled both for about six months, and then slowly began to feel a deep, yearning call to quit my job.

What? Quit my job?

I was desperately unhappy in my work. It exhausted me to the point where I was useless to my husband every evening, I could not dredge up the energy to engage in any social activities, and I could not commit fully to my seminary studies.

I felt God calling me to leave my job, and the thought paralyzed me.

What would everyone think?

I ought to disclose a disclaimer here: I regularly wrestle with intense fear of what others think. So of course, I was terrified about how others might judge my actions or scoff at my choice to leave a permanent, now-stable-again job. And for what? I did not know what the next step would be, only that the right thing to do was to quit.

All I could do was to take a step in obedience, even though I did not know where it would lead.

I swallowed my fear and handed in my notice.

I started off today by saying that God sometimes drops circumstances in your lap that are beyond your control. For me, that was losing my job. However, shortly thereafter, you’ll notice there were several choices that required my yes: starting to write again, beginning seminary classes, and voluntarily leaving my paid job.

Losing my job was the catalyst to an entirely new path.

Hindsight is 20/20 (… get it? 20/20 in the year 2020 *cue groan) and of course now I see the immense growth that God has worked in my life as a result of that situation. But in the moment, I felt completely adrift on a sea of incomprehensible circumstances.

If you are in the middle of an unforeseen road bump, I see you.

If you are afraid to take a step in obedience to whatever you feel called to do, I hear you.

To be clear, I am still not entirely sure where this new path will lead me (even now - a year after I left my job!). People ask me what the end goal of my studies is and I have to answer truthfully, “I don’t know.” I only know that God led me here and he is leading me somewhere very good.

Obedience requires courage.

It requires faith in the uncertainty of it all. It means resting in the unknown and saying yes when you are afraid. We can’t know the future, but we can be faithful in the circumstance we’ve been given, even when it looks entirely different than we anticipated.

In courage and in love,

Katelyn

Recommended reads (books that I found helpful during my identity crisis):

Kruger, Melissa, ed. Identity Theft: Reclaiming the Truth of Who We Are in Christ. Gospel Coalition, 2018.

Cron, Ian Morgan and Suzanne Stabile. The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery. Downers Grove, IL: IVP Formatio, 2016.

I would love to hear your stories of saying yes (or no) to God’s invitations! Leave a comment below or drop your email here to join the community. I will respond directly to you.