The Gift of Being Yourself by David G. Benner
Rating: 5/5
I grew up in a culture of duty and social obligation. There was little sense of personal self-worth. Instead, your worth was only as much as the value you brought to your community. Your reputation was everything.
With such social pressure, I constantly doubted my worth to my family and culture. My value was only measurable by my academic and athletic achievements - to which I dedicated my young life with great ferocity. My worth seemed stacked high on a pile of Jenga blocks, waiting for someone to pull out the block that would cause my entire being to crumble.
As I grew in maturity and faith, I adopted the common Christian perspective that I truly am worthless (“I am but a worm!”) and am only found worthy by the death and resurrection of Christ. My value was superimposed by Christ’s image so that when God looked at me, He saw Christ and therefore pardoned my miserable human self from the hell to which I was otherwise doomed.
But this didn’t sit well with me, either.
Then, in my search for identity, belonging, and meaning, I came across David G. Benner’s book, The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery.
This little book was life-changing.
Benner is an internationally known depth psychologist, transformational coach, and author who has quickly become one of my favourite spiritual formation writers. He combines his knowledge of psychology with Christian spirituality, seeking integration of mind and soul rather than splitting them apart as many Christian thinkers have done.
If we find our true self we find God, and if we find God, we find our most authentic self. (17)
Benner differentiates between the false self, what many Christians might call “the flesh” or “the old man/creation,” and the true self, that is, who God created us to be. We might be more familiar with the “new man” or “new creation.”
Leaving the self out of Christian spirituality results in a spirituality that is not well-grounded in experience. It is, therefore, not well grounded in reality. (22)
He argues that we must undergo the journey of self-knowledge in order to truly know God.
To see God as God is - not as who we want God to be - requires that we see our self as we actually are. For the same cloud of illusions obscures our view of both God and ourselves. (59)
Knowledge of self and God go hand-in-hand. John Calvin said as much. The more we get to truly know God (not just know about God), the more deeply we will get to know ourselves - the good and the bad. This is where transformation starts.
This is no New Age mumbo-jumbo. This is deep work penetrating to our very hearts, digging beneath the layers of identity, culture, childhood hurt, and personas that we have wrapped around ourselves.
The true self is who, in reality, you are and who you are becoming… it is your total self as you were created by God and as you are being redeemed in Christ. It is the image of God that you are - the unique face of God that has been set aside from eternity for you. We do not find our true self by seeking it. Rather, we find it by seeking God. (83, emphasis mine)
Identity, belonging, and meaning are found only in seeking God. Incidentally, this seeking means that it is necessary to dig deep into oneself and face the darkness within to uncover that which was created gloriously in His image.
This book requires hard work and courage. It requires patience and perseverance. But for you who are seeking the truth about God and about yourself, it is an oasis.
Read it for yourself. Do the work. Then, please email me and tell me all about it! I would love to hear how God is transforming your heart, soul, and mind.
In courage and in love,
Katelyn